PENNIES

       I started reading Dr. Wayne Dyer books in 1978.  Sort of ate them like candy.  Then after some time, stopped.  In 2006, I picked up one of his books at the library and once again, devoured it ... He talked about money in it and he said that whenever he finds a penny on the ground, he takes it very personally and thanks the universe for showing him the abundance that is ever flowing.  He figures it was no accident and it was put there just for him.  Two weeks ago at Walgreens as I was walking out, I found 2 pennies and gave them to the cashier.  My thought was, “I hope the universe doesn’t think I am ungrateful.”  Louise Hay says to accept those invitations to someone buying you lunch, etc. and say thank you.  And I figure that means “thank you to them pennies..”  So after Walgreens, I went to the dry cleaners and as I got out of the car, found two pennies on the ground. Guess the gods really wanted me to have 2 cents.  In the year, 2000, I was working for the Marriott.  I worked in a little cubicle, making reservations for their hotels all over the country.  I remember once, having an imaginary conversation with my “ex” teacher while at work. She called herself a holistic health counselor, but it turned out to be holistic bullshit.  She was very expensive and I hung on her every word.  She made thousands off of me.  After losing it all, including my sanity, and finally bailing, I slowly started rebuilding my life in 1997.  She would call a lot and would just want to have lunch and I would decline.  Finally I wrote her a letter asking for some of the cash back.  It never happened.  I get a call from her once every six years.  So, for some reason, when I was bored, I started imaginary conversations with her… This evening at Marriott Reservations, I was talking to her about money. (in my mind)  It was a slow night.  I told her that “pinching pennies” was not such a bad idea.  She was big on spending.  And coupon cutting? Well, when I thought I needed to do more of that, given my limited income, she said, “Raise your consciousness Chris.”  She would call this "poverty consciousness".  So in between reservations,  I said that the more I investigated this, people did extremely well by paying attention to what they spent and saving where they could.  It seemed to make life simpler and easier....There was no one near me and as I am thinking this thought, everywhere I looked, there was a penny.  There was one at my computer, one on the floor, one in the cubicle behind me and on and on it went.  I picked them all up and put them in my wallet with alot of  gratitude.  It wasn’t enough to buy a cup of coffee, but it was great fun. 

TURKEY

    I am a tad embarrassed to share this, but I spent Thanksgiving alone.  My brother invited me over and then he cancelled a few days before the holiday.  A couple people said that I could come over to their home and share in the festivities, which was so sweet of them, but I find their families difficult to be around and I feel intrusive.  So…. I went to the park, went grocery shopping, ate a good meal, exercised and took myself to a movie.  A friend reminded me… “You had your Thanksgiving last week when your family was in town.” That is true… I did.. No turkey or anything….. but it was a great weekend… This “alone” thing is daunting… when I looked at it more closely, it wasn’t about being alone so much, it was the “How do I tell people this?  I will feel like a loser.”  But I don’t frankly.  I told some people, and it is fine... In fact... I feel pretty good.   I used to get very sick during the holidays … I don’t anymore… and for this I am truly thankful…

MOVIES

      I don’t really care that a nine year old was my boss…no I don’t  … I don’t even care that she caught mistake after mistake in my work… but when she fired me, the humiliation I felt took me right back to being scolded as a child. I met someone spectacular this week,… then was acknowledged by Cheryl Richardson that she thought my blog was beautiful… then was able to get a few appointments that I have been putting off.  DONE.   And exercised a little extra…BUT THAT NINE YEAR OLD FIRED ME.  Actually, she is 20, and very nice.  So, I could almost be her grandmother.  Her GRANDMOTHER.  “I am sorry Grandma, but we have to let you go.”  Sure, you are a good person, but your cash drawer has been short 3 times and over one time... and you are making the same mistakes… I didn’t feel like telling her that after 2 hours on the job, I couldn't see straight from the pain I was in.....much less work.  They had cut me so much slack already.  They gave me a little extra time to learn the job and talked to me before about things I did wrong.  I figured, I should just thank her and leave.    It was a great time…I learned alot... Nothing I could tell you at the moment.  Well, I will say this... a sixteen year old will do almost anything to get into a movie rated R without a guardian.  And I do feel so cool using a walkie talkie.  And people have a hard time understanding that a 3D movie costs more than a movie that isn't 3D.  And those microphones they have in these box offices are horrible.  And seniors forget they're seniors alot, and can get a discount... probably because they're seniors.  And people call the theatre and want to not only know what movies you're showing, but a complete review.   Now, I have worked other jobs and although it seems to take me a long time to learn a task, I eventually do it very well, but this time, well.... let's just say, I needed to work more to get it right.

  The General Manager was there and I had to sign papers saying I understood the mistakes I made… I think this way, I can’t go after them…or something…not that I would... And then the last thing… the badge… My name tag… The same card you use to log in… stripped of my “badge".  They walked me to the elevator and the three of us were going down together.  We all three stared at the floor.  Finally I said, “Boy this is awkward, isn’t it?”  They at least giggled.  Wayne Dyer always congratulates people who get fired.  He figures it's the universe getting you out of something you shouldn't be in, and you didn't get out of it yourself...Looking forward to the next chapter...

ME AND CHERYL

  About 12 years ago, I was watching OPRAH and a beautiful woman was on promoting a book.  Her name was Cheryl Richardson.  She called herself a life coach and I was fascinated.  I watched her work with a single mom who barely had time for herself between her job and raising her children.  What she really wanted to do was write and perform her poetry.  Cheryl was wonderful and gave her some great ideas to find time to write.  One was to just carrying around a small tape recorder to record ideas as they came to her...Cheryl said it wasn't about time, it was about fear, and soon the young mother was writing again and giving some readings.  She worked with another woman who had such concerns about how her friends interacted with her.  If they hadn't called in a while, she would get very upset.  She said that she went to a party with a new coat and someone said, "That is the ugliest coat I have ever seen."  Cheryl had alot of advice, and also said she wonders what that does to our bodies when we stuff our feelings.  I ran to the bookstore to get her book.  I was working at the Marriott back then.  I opened the book and it talked about money issues… something I had.  One suggestion she had was to see what you could cut out of your budget to save money. Not exactly new advice, but I realized the book was too extravagant for me to buy at that time, so I didn’t get it.  A few  years ago, I was at church and in their bookstore I saw one of her latest books for only 5 dollars.  I grabbed it and it’s been wonderful to read and use.  Then I got on her Facebook page, and from time to time we say hello to one another.  When I didn’t win a contest that she held on Facebook,  I wrote, “I feel so used.”  Fortunately she got the joke.  One time there was a caricature of her husband and I wrote, “He never calls.”  She got that one too and says it back to me when I write her.  She is getting more and more famous, yet she doesn’t forget these goofy things I have said.  She seems to walk her talk.  I hope someday to meet her.  I listen to her radio show and find her advice is so perfect and practical.  One person called in recently who is starting her own business.  She has repeatedly told people to have a good source of income in place when doing this and this woman had great concerns about her finances.  She was ready to go on a cruise where Cheryl was one of the speakers and Cheryl said if she really didn’t have the money, then to put the cruise on hold.  Come on… How many people would say, uhm…”don’t take this cruise that I am a keynote speaker on…” if she didn’t have a whole bunch of integrity?  This is why I think she is getting so much attention.  We gravitate to honesty….  She tells people who call in with very serious issues, that she is putting them in her prayer book.  On Facebook she will express her personal “stuff” and how she handles it… with a great deal of gratitude.  As soon as I have the money, I will go see her speak at one of these conferences... in the meantime…"He never calls” and “I feel so used” will have to suffice.

LEO AND HARRY

  No time for chit chat… running out the door.... I did however put a bunch of things away after an amazing weekend with my nephews… My brother has two great boys.  Leo is 15 and Harry is 13.  Leo had brain surgery last year and it hasn’t slowed him down a bit.  He is writing on two football websites and doing well in school.  He coaches football on Sundays.  I didn’t believe my eyes when I saw him.  He has changed so much in 15 months. He is a head taller than my brother.  Harry is so cute. He is a little guy for his age. They are both very interested in everything.  Harry asks me a lot of questions about my life.  He lets me grab him and hug him all the time.  They are both so quick witted.  Harry wanted more answers as to how the braces on my legs help me walk.  Leo grabbed my crutch and tried to imitate me.  It was not a good moment, but when I asked to him to stop, he did.  Harry told me about school and some of his extracurricular activities.  This past year, he has been baking a great deal, and asked for some of my mother’s recipes.  His specialty seems to be banana bread.  My sister in law ran out to my car when I got to their hotel.   Her Long Island accent is great.  “Hi honey!!!”  Harry was with her.  When Leo came up to the car, I did a double take.  He said, "How are you Chrissy?"  I said, "I'm fine. Who are you?" They are so eager to help me.  They got my stuff out of the car and got me to my room.  They said they were starving and we ate in the hotel restaurant.  I have to say, the Sheraton in Cuyahoga Falls is beautiful.  My brother Joe showed up later that evening and stayed over Saturday night.  On Friday we watched the movie, Bridesmaids.  Randy Pausch says, “Never, ever underestimate the importance of having fun.”  And that movie definitely had us all in stitches.  My nephews are incredibly curious.  We watched a reality show on Saturday night, just me and the boys and there was a woman on who knew a murder was about to happen, but said nothing.  When the newscaster asked how she felt about that and she responded, Harry said, “She doesn’t seem very remorseful.”  I noticed for the 3 days we were together, that there were no tantrums, or pouting or too much angst.  They were instructed to clean things up after they made any mess in the hotel room and they did.  They loved swimming and the fitness room…Even though their visit was short, my brother wanted to see a cousin who is very ill.  He seems to have incredible integrity, my brother…. AND his wife.  I was hoping the boys got all that from me…..