SEYMOUR AVE.

April 9, 2019

     It was a beautiful spring day last week and I was eager to go to the grocery store but instead I took a drive to just look around my town.  And my journey took me to Seymour Ave. where Ariel Castro held Amanda Berry, Michelle Knight and Gina DeJesus were held captive.  I kept asking myself why would I do this.  I think a big part was just that curiosity one has when they see an accident on the freeway and they just have to slow down and look, but there was something else.  I could not believe that this happened so close to where I live and that nobody knew for over a decade.  There were people outside that day and the house has since been demolished, but all I could think of was how out of touch we can be with each other. I wondered if people were walking outside all those years when those girls were being raped repeatedly and beaten.  In my old apartment, I have had neighbors who lived below me knock on my door to see if I was ok because they heard me fall.   I realized that I don't have a clue how much others are suffering.  I don't want to commiserate and hear sob stories, but I just wonder when I see an acquaintance on Facebook, or a fellow actor on TV looking so happy, what they are really going through.   So many people have been so "there" for me when I have had a problem or a crisis.  But none of us knew what was happening to these beautiful young women. When I came home, I told a friend what I had done with great embarrassment questioning my sanity. I went on line and saw Michelle Knight on Dr. Phil telling him that she was now married and was giving inspirational talks around the country. She looked so happy.  She had no support from her family when she got out, yet she survived and I think that was the big lesson for me. That she survived and thrived.  And maybe  that's why on that beautiful sunny day I took a drive.  

BULLIES

     When I was 16, I was in geometry or algebra.  One of those, and there was a boy in our class who was teased a lot.  He didn't say much, but for some reason, he was the scapegoat.  Once the teacher left the room, the bad boy in class came up to him with a book and smacked the side of his head with it and then the other side and did it over and over.  Nobody did a thing, including me.  I was more shocked than anything. I don't recall if we laughed or what.   After class I told the teacher and on my walk home from school the next day, the bully asked me if I knew who ratted on him and I lied and said that I didn't know.  He said it was probably that fat Cathy.  And once again, I didn't say anything.  

    When I was in the 5th grade, a boy was made fun of a lot and I don't remember why. We'll call him Sam.  One day on our playground, another boy named Peter fell and broke his arm.  His mother came to our class and asked what happened.  It seemed the boys were chasing him and he fell.  After she left, the teacher asked the boys more questions.  The boys said that they were playing and Sam said, "There's Peter!", so they ran toward Peter and Peter ran from them and fell.  The teacher asked why they would listen to Sam.  Then she said something awful.  She said, "Anyone who listens to Sam ought to have their head examined."  Everybody laughed.  I kept wondering what happened to Sam.  I finally saw him at the grocery store and said hi.  His face looked so old.  Like he'd had such a hard life.  He didn't really hold his head up.  I apologized for not sticking up for him that day.  He didn't really remember the incident and told me not to worry about it, but I wondered what his life had been like all these years.  I never found out what happened to the boy who's head was slammed with a book but I wish I had stuck up for these boys more.

    All of us want to belong and find a group we can feel safe in.  In one of my jobs as an adult,  a woman I worked with had some social issues and was made fun of a lot. Mostly, she didn't know how to hang out with people and just chill. I have to say, I had a hard time dealing with her as well and stayed away from her.  But when it came down to it, she worked very hard, and did a great job.  She was a good person.  I did say a few things behind her back when I was overwhelmed by her.  She wanted to be friends and I just couldn't do it.  Once she said something trying to be funny and I said something rude to her.  I then apologized but the damage was done.  Years later a friend of hers saw me and said she just wanted to be more like me.  

    People have stuck up for me at various times when I needed it.  I have been welcomed into groups at different times in my life, and its been wonderful.  Even at age 62, I need a tribe.  When I was very young, some of my friends dissed me.  They would do all they could to stay away.  It was heartbreaking and I couldn't figure out why.  It then occurred to me to get new friends.  I don't know why we feel a need when we get in a group to make fun of someone, even as adults. We seem to think that we bond better with the others. Sometimes I think not speaking up for someone is almost as bad as the blatant head bashing or gossip.