MOVING TARGET

  I am on the fence still on the best healing modality for me.  I think that once you've been diagnosed with cancer, even if they get it all in surgery, you can't help but wonder if it will come back.  In 1985, I received extensive acupuncture 6 days a week for 7 months to help my overall health.  She also put me on a very specific diet.  Things that didn’t make sense, but it all worked. My infections that were monthly stopped and my back straightened a lot and some muscles that were atrophied due to paralysis, started to come back.  I thought it was just me, but others noticed.  I was still in a lot of pain.  The first three months I slept around the clock.  I ate, I went to treatments and I slept.  I have to say, it was the most relaxing "sleep", I had had in a long time.  I stayed with people that took care of me.  The acupuncturist took me off the strenuous exercise I was doing which made the fact that muscles were coming back very interesting.  She said, “Spend spend spend, you get zero.” She said, “You Americans are crazy.  You jog in the morning and then you go to happy hour in the afternoon.”  She said I had exercised too much and my body needed to rest.  I had to leave this doctor, and I went to a different acupuncturist.  It didn’t work as well and after 8 months, I stopped.  Now, I am going to someone new.  Acupuncture seems to help one’s immune system, and if I’m going to have radiation, I need something to boost it. I cleaned up my diet, and I take walks 4 days a week, do a yoga class, and now Tai Chi.  I like the yoga.  She does something different in every class.  The Tai Chi is so gentle, but it works.  I am sleepy after these classes.  I think I finally relax a little and that can’t be bad.  Tonight a friend talked about how busy I am, more so than before this diagnosis.  It's because I'm a tad uptight and if I keep busy and try as many things as I can to heal, I might not flip out..... 

FINAL STEP

     I am confused as anything about my next step.  The oncologists want me to have chemo and radiation and I opted only for radiation.  It is Stage 1 cancer, not in the lymph nodes. they say the "margins" are clean which means they got it all.  The problem is.... I am exhausted already.  Hell, I do the dishes, and I have to lay down after.  So how will I manage 6 weeks of something zapping my energy?  And it's not once a week.  It's five days.  The oncologist said, "We'll get you through this.."  I have no idea what that means... I asked but he didn't say.  Somehow, I think the only way to get me through this is to put me in the hospital... then they say your energy comes back in about a week.. I have talked to many about this.  So many women continue working while having this done and manage fine.. In 30 years, I haven't been able to hold a full time job.  Not that I don't want to, my body just won't let me.  I have been advised to read different books on different ends of the spectrum and I do.  Suzanne Somers has much to say about cancer.  I've got a couple weeks to think this over...