DATING

 November 29, 2020

I've been on a couple of dating websites, but haven't had much luck.  Some people just aren't right for me and other folks are out of their minds.  One lady I was having a nice conversation off and on with on the website said she had metal in her B.S.  B.S. always meant "bullshit" to me.  But I had forgotten a few conversations earlier that she had mentioned some issues with her "blood stream".  When I asked what B.S. meant and if it meant "back side", she went crazy.  She said, "How dare you talk to me like that!  I am a mother and a grandmother!".  She had used abbreviations before and it would take me a while to figure out what she was talking about.  I explained all that to her but it didn't matter, she was done with me and I am grateful she was.  Another lady was very excited to meet me and then on a text said that she sensed some hesitation on my part and was not interested.  I don't know what she was referring to. One lady was ready to meet me, but before we met I explained some of my health issues and in an email she responded with, "I'll pass."  So subtle.  One lovely person was writing me and she asked if I had met anyone special on this website and I said, "Not yet." and she responded with, "Then you must not know what you want.", and then blocked me from writing her a response.  One person wrote me an email and that she was from Australia. She seemed to have trouble putting a sentence together and that I was someone she would like to have in her life, her heart and on her head.  ON HER HEAD!  What the heck is that?  Is she in Cirque Du Soleil?  I looked back on her profile and she pretty much wrote the same thing.  That she wanted someone on her head.  Someone explained to me that when you write from another country, emails don't always come out correctly.   

But my favorites are the scams.  It is the same thing.  They start out with "My cousin or my best friend saw your picture and read your profile, and flipped!!  He wants to meet you.  He's just too shy to go on this website so could you please email him and then they send me his email address.  So, first off, it's always HE saw your picture.  If they read anything in my profile, they'd know I was gay, so they obviously didn't read a thing about me.  So finally after about the fourth person did this I wrote, 

Ok, Thanks!

So are you going to write him?

Okay

He didn't get it, can you do it again.

Okay

He still didn't get it.  Can you give me your email address and I will give to him?

Okay

Thanks.  Okay I am waiting, did you send it?

Okay

Well, are you going to do it?

Okay

Are you just going to say Ok?!  If you keep saying ok, I will report you.

Okay

FAT

 November 5, 2020

     Last year on a Saturday evening, I went to bed about 11:00.   I heard something in my bathroom and it turned out water was pouring in from my ceiling.  I called maintenance right away and ran up to the apartment above me.  I knocked on the door several times.  I heard a woman say very faintly, "Yes?" and I asked if she left her bathtub running.  She didn't say anything so I ran back down to my apartment and got pots and pans to catch the water and started mopping up what I could.  Maintenance took a little bit of time before they arrived and they finally got in her apartment to turn off her water.  When the maintenance man came in my place he said, "She was sleeping on her couch and forgot about the bath water running."  And then he added, "She's big."  I got very agitated when he said that.  I didn't need to know her size.  I realize he meant that she might be more apt to fall asleep longer or harder but it still stung.  I felt bad that she was talked about in that way, but I didn't say anything.  Some of us are bigger than others.  I have been known to sleep through people knocking on my door just because I'm exhausted, not because I'm big.    Once a lady had just started working where I was and as she walked by me and another co-worker, my co-worker quietly said, "She's big."  She was.  I felt bad for her but why did someone have to point that out? I think that obesity is one addiction that very few of us forgive.  Almost as if it's normal to make fun of someone with extra weight.  I remember several years ago in a parking lot I had just gotten into my car.  I saw a man who was very large walk near me and I thought, "That must be hard." Hard as in being large and walking etc.  He bent down, picked up a 10 dollar bill and said, "Ma'am, is this yours?"  It was.  I stuffed a 10 dollar bill in my pocket after I checked out of a store, and it must have fallen out right in front of my car.  He seemed to have had no problem picking up my money and was so kind to ask if it was mine as opposed to keeping it.  He moved better than I can and left me giggling that I had the thought that it must be hard to get around.  I think the harder part is everyone's judgements.

BABS

 November 1, 2020

    Last night I went to my friend Barbara's house and watched Borat 2.  Very funny but a tad gross at times for me.  I also do my laundry there and it is so much easier than in my apartment building.  That's because it's on the first floor but also because while my clothes are drying, we watch Netflix and eat take out.  Lately, I talk to her a great deal on the phone and most of the time I can't stop laughing.  We are terribly irreverent and she has to be the funniest person I have ever met.  My mother used to say that Barbara missed her calling as a comedian.  But she did a great deal of community theatre and loved it.  We were on the phone a while ago and she said, "I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who's glasses needed adjustment."  Once in the middle of one of the shows we were watching, she said, "What if Sleeping Beauty had been cremated?"  I mean, it's a really good question when you think about it.  Our usual joke is when one of us has something very serious to talk about, the other one starts to laugh.  It starts off as a fake kind of giggle and then we actually really laugh.  One thing I love about her is that she is the only person I can share my shame stories with and I am never judged.  I don't have anyone else like that in my life. I have told the wrong people very personal things and it has come back to bite me on the ass.  It usually starts with, "Remember when you..."  So I just tell my friend Barbara and I feel better and safer.  And then of course, she starts laughing.  When I was moving, she wanted me to move in with her and I said, " If I move in with you, I would have to kill you and then I would go to prison and that's not something I'm willing to do right now."  We definitely are very different, but she still makes me laugh and that's worth a million dollars.