I didn’t know I
would take things so hard. But I
am. A very close friend is moving out of
Ohio. Of course I support her in her
decision, but I didn’t think I would feel so bad. With
my friend leaving the state, my sadness is that I might not see her again, and
that thought is so distressing to me. I
got so much from being with her. Mostly,
her determination to not give up. No
matter what life has thrown her way, she keeps going. I love it.
I noticed I didn’t feel like such a victim around her. I realized that there were more options for
me and choices I could make that I was missing.
I noticed I asked for a lot more
help than I used to. I would read her
blog or we’d have coffee together, and she’d share whatever she was doing with
her family or her career and it was always inspiring. I guess I haven’t met anyone like that in a
long time, so not seeing her again tugs at my heart. When I was diagnosed with cancer, she did all
she could to support me, including buying me a couple of massages which I
thoroughly enjoyed. The day I had
surgery, she posted my picture on Facebook, asking for prayers. She encouraged
my writing and we have the same humor.
So it’s no wonder I feel bad. I
don’t know how to grieve except to simply go through it.
I wrote about Debbie
Ford’s passing on Facebook. When I read
that she died, I felt as if I had lost another friend. Debbie did a great deal to help others and
wrote many books. I saw her on Oprah
about 12 years ago, then again on OWN talking about her cancer. I haven’t even read her books, I just feel
bad about her. I listened to her on her radio
show on Hay House Radio. I remember
Wayne Dyer asking people to pray for her a few years ago, and then I heard
Cheryl Richardson talk about her dear friend, Debbie Ford. Cheryl spent a few days with her just before
Debbie died. One of the last things she
told Cheryl was this.
“Please tell people that they do not cause their own illness
– it’s a ridiculous notion that creates so much needless pain. All
illness, including my cancer, is an invitation to love ourselves more,” she
insisted. And then with her signature shadow laugh, she added, “The truth
is, in the end, that’s what life is all about anyway – learning to love
ourselves more.”
Maybe I could love myself through this grief.
