I heard Joan Borysenko say that when she was working with patients that were dying, they all said the same thing. They all looked back on there life and they looked back on the quality of their relationships. She said when you look back, you look at the people who have touched your heart, and who's hearts you've touched.
When I heard her say this I thought of one of my old roommates, Mary. She was always kind to me no matter what. She would get angry at me at times, but the common theme in our relationship in the last 30 some years was her kindness to me. When I broke my back and it looked like I would never walk again, she called and was very calm. I was in Ohio and she was in Chicago. She told me that the body was amazing and could heal. She called of course, at just the right time. We see each other from time to time, and she always is sweet and caring. One time she called saying she had to tell me something. I immediately thought I did something wrong and she said, “I needed to tell you that in all these years, you have never judged me.” This was quite the coincidence because I catch myself judging others quite often. Of course, she called right after I had dinner with a friend and I told my friend that I didn’t know the difference between judgments and discernment.
Mary gets uptight about some stuff… so do I… but I don’t care…. She’s great…She’s not too uptight to say, “I love you.”, at the end of each phone call.
I had moved to another state to get extensive acupuncture. I stayed with a friend and her mother and brother, and as soon as I felt healthier, I would move out on my own. I didn't know my friend I was staying with was crazy even though we spoke every day. Mary knew her. So, I got healthier, but not healthy enough to live on my own. A few months went by. Although they wanted me to stay, it was a nightmare and I was so scared. Too sick to move out.... Mary called. “Gee, I thought you were only staying there a short time.” I couldn’t say anything because they were there. I just said, “Ya, me too.” She knew right away that something was wrong. All she said was, “Oh no Chris.” I felt so validated at that moment.
During another very dark time in my life. She called me out of the blue. and I told her why I was so depressed. I had a holistic health counselor who convinced me what a bad person I was. After I told her the story, she expressed her views on it and that this wasn’t worth hating myself for. She said, “I won’t let you beat yourself up like this Chris, I won’t!” It was just what I needed to hear.
I can’t say that I have loved that deeply with most people, but I can say I love Mary. What’s not to love?
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