:)

     I had a lovely time the other night…. I was in group therapy and it was our last session for a while.  The facilitator baked chocolate brownies and I brought some chocolate candy.  We all checked in and I found it very interesting to listen about everyone’s experience in the group the last several weeks.  More so than usual.

    Then the facilitator wanted it to be a light meeting to sort of relax and she brought a few things to “dEstress us..” but asked us first what we wanted to do.  She brought “worry stones” that we could decorate and take home… she had a few other crafts for us if we wanted to do them, but there was no pressure.  She put on some ENYA music which a couple of us found annoying.  I actually like ENYA, but this CD was different.  None of us were speaking up about what to do, but one man brought his guitar and asked if he could sing for us.  We all said yes and we turned off ENYA…and he played and sang.  He chose very sweet, soft music.  I caught myself with the biggest grin on my face.  I get so uptight that I think it will take me weeks to calm down.  But it only took a second to get into his singing.  We all did.  He did a few songs and smiled at each one of us.  I saw so much of him as he sang.  We never got to the crafty stuff…. We all applauded and felt very grateful that he shared his gifts with us.  He said he used to sing and play to his children before they went to bed.  I reminded myself to play some soothing music as I drift off to sleep.  When we all said “goodbye”, it seemed like everyone had such gratitude… The whole evening took me by surprise.

     Last year, I was invited to a party with many people I didn’t know.  The host lived on the lake in a beautiful condo.  I enjoyed meeting people and then she said, “Dinner is ready.”  I thought we already had dinner.  Apparently, I was eating appetizers.  She made the most amazing meal and I LOVED every bite.  One of the guests brought homemade chocolate candy.  We then sat out on her deck and watched the water.  I mean the condo is right on the beach.  Then before the sun set, there was the most beautiful rainbow.  The host looked over at me and said, “Ohhh Chris.”  I caught myself again with the biggest smile and she saw me….

   Sometimes, all I need is some soft music, some friends, old and new and a rainbow.   ….. and some chocolate…… and a Dortmunder….
    You'd think I would want this for my loved ones but uhm..... well.....   When my dad was dying, my brother came in from New York to help out a few times.  He would leave his wife who was pregnant, a job and his little boy who was two and he never complained.  When he would go back home, we would talk every day.  One day he said that he and his wife got a babysitter for his son and got to a dinner party at a friends apt.  They sat out in a beautiful garden and had a wonderful meal.  He told me how beautiful the evening was and the leaves were turning.  He told me how lovely his wife looked.  I was absolutely exhausted and was SO jealous that he had a nice time....I was at my dad's apt. and when we hung up, instead of feeling good that he got a much needed evening out, I danced around the apartment and imitated everything he said... like a four year old.... "OOOO , we got to go to our friend's house and have dinner..!!!!"
   IT'S ALL ABOUT ME BABY.....