GRIEF

  I didn’t know I would take things so hard.   But I am.  A very close friend is moving out of Ohio.  Of course I support her in her decision, but I didn’t think I would feel so bad.   With my friend leaving the state, my sadness is that I might not see her again, and that thought is so distressing to me.  I got so much from being with her.  Mostly, her determination to not give up.  No matter what life has thrown her way, she keeps going.  I love it.  I noticed I didn’t feel like such a victim around her.  I realized that there were more options for me and choices I could make that I was missing.   I noticed I asked for a lot more help than I used to.  I would read her blog or we’d have coffee together, and she’d share whatever she was doing with her family or her career and it was always inspiring.  I guess I haven’t met anyone like that in a long time, so not seeing her again tugs at my heart.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, she did all she could to support me, including buying me a couple of massages which I thoroughly enjoyed.  The day I had surgery, she posted my picture on Facebook, asking for prayers. She encouraged my writing and we have the same humor.  So it’s no wonder I feel bad.  I don’t know how to grieve except to simply go through it. 

  I wrote about Debbie Ford’s passing on Facebook.   When I read that she died, I felt as if I had lost another friend.  Debbie did a great deal to help others and wrote many books.  I saw her on Oprah about 12 years ago, then again on OWN talking about her cancer.  I haven’t even read her books, I just feel bad about her.  I listened to her on her radio show on Hay House Radio.  I remember Wayne Dyer asking people to pray for her a few years ago, and then I heard Cheryl Richardson talk about her dear friend, Debbie Ford.  Cheryl spent a few days with her just before Debbie died.  One of the last things she told Cheryl was this.

“Please tell people that they do not cause their own illness – it’s a ridiculous notion that creates so much needless pain.  All illness, including my cancer, is an invitation to love ourselves more,” she insisted.  And then with her signature shadow laugh, she added, “The truth is, in the end, that’s what life is all about anyway – learning to love ourselves more.”

Maybe I could love myself through this grief.